I'm afraid I'm horrible at finishing things. I'm a procrastinator, I will fess. I have many posts I started and never finished. So for my recompense in that, I am posting these in parts. :)
I love many people. Too many, I have been told, but love is something that you have more of to give as you give more of it, so what they say is just complete bull. I regret that I cannot give more of my time and effort to everyone I wish to. I live my life as I can and let those I can know that I do love them, or at least I try. For my wedding, it was simply impossible for me to have all the bridesmaids I wanted. The seven I ended up with were plenty. It was hard for me to settle on them because I have so many friends who truly mean a lot to me and who I felt deserved to be in the mix. But, having 20 or so bridesmaids is silly, especially when the Bridal party is already huge due to the nature of John's and my combined very large immediate family. So I settled on five of my closest friends, John's unmarried step-sister, and John's close female friend. Here I would like to give a tribute to my wonderful bridesmaids and the ladies who were, if you will, my unofficial bridesmaids, whether they knew it or not.
Gabby Arce is my daughter. I've been in constant worry over this girl since I moved away to college, and for a bit before then. I worry that my example wasn't good enough; I worry about her habits and the way she spends her time; I worry about her interactions with boys; I worry that she will make mistakes; I worry about not being there for her; I worry about her family; I worry that she doesn't open up enough; I worry that she doesn't know enough; I worry that she's misguided about herself; I worry that she won't get her full potential out of her life. I tell her about my worries, and she tells me not to worry, and that works for about 15 minutes, sometimes as much as an hour. She's actually rather convincing. Far too good of a liar, but even then I don't think she's lying to me about that. But why shouldn't I worry? I love her with absolutely all of my heart and I want the best for her, and sometimes I don't see the best happening.
I also worry that I'm far too much of a mother to her and I'm getting my taste of what it will be like to be a mother to a teenager. At least we have an excellent relationship, which is what's important to me, even if the rest of it worries me...
Gabby has been the best friend a girl could ask for since day one. She has always looked up to me, sometimes especially when I felt I least deserved it. She has loved me unconditionally and continuously. I don't know anyone else on earth who can love like she does -- when she chooses to love like that. I have often put other friends and other things before her through the years, but she always put me top of her list. It's not quite the same now; she's grown up a bit. But I feel as close as we ever were, even if we don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like.
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