Day 15 - Bucket Full of...Bucket?

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

I want to travel! There are places I really want to visit. However, I've already got a post to come talking all about my traveling dreams, so I have to think about something else I want to do before I die.

I have been thinking about a Bucket List for the past few months.

I found my wonderful birthday buddy a few years ago, and we're turning 21 in just a few weeks! However, since we have morals and standards that prevent us from doing normal things girls do for their 21st...I thought maybe we could do something more epic, like 21 things we've never done before, and the like.

Unfortunately, we probably won't be doing any of that since she got married and moved off to another state. Ah well. I'll throw a mock party hard 21st girls night for myself.

In any case, I started a list of things we could do that would be fun, within our standards (after all, we never have had alcohol, gambled, etc.), and within budget. Sadly, none of them were epic enough that I'm aching to do them before I die.

I used to have a short list of things I wanted to do...like kiss (or at least date) guys from at least 10 different ethnicities. I got to about 4. I also wanted to go on at least one date with all of my good guyfriends from High School. There were a lot of things I wanted to do before I got married...but then I got married. I'm not too distraught; John is totally worth more than my silly lists.

I have lots of goals, like reading every book on the "Classics" list from AP Lit, or reading every General Conference talk since I was born, or visit every LDS temple in Utah, or have special annual parties that everyone wants to go to, or take all of my nieces and nephews on a date for their 12th birthday. But they're not really Bucket List things...they're goals.

I guess I am really, really lost. I don't really crave skydiving or bungee jumping. All the wonders of the world would be expensive. There are so many things that would be awesome to do, but I don't care if I do them or not.

So, I guess what I really need to do is this:

I want to create a Bucket List before I die.

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And, of course, cross everything off. 

Day 14 - Jenny Ann

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

My niece Jennifer

I love my nieces and nephews more than almost anything in the world. When I feel most lonely and in need of love my mind automatically goes to those kids and how much they mean to me, and most especially how they love me unconditionally. I have spent the most time with my oldest sister Marcela's kids since I became an aunt, and so her oldest, Jenny, is usually foremost in my mind. It helps that Jenny is always wanting to spend time with me and her parents are always perfectly willing to let her, so I still get to spend a lot of time with her. That girl loves me and I love her and she personifies what I love about my nieces and nephews. She was born when I was 8 so most of my life, especially the stuff I remember, she's been around for, even if she was little. If I lost any of my nieces or nephews I'd be devastated. If I lost any of the ones I grew up knowing it would be especially hard. Jenny is one of the more prominent of those. I didn't think there was anyone that really fit this category until I thought of losing Jenny, and I really can't imagine my life without her.

Day 13 - Rane's Clouds

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

I already did this here.

But I won't be spoiled into repeating everything just because these post lists are repetitive. It says artist. That doesn't have to be musical, right? Right :)

I'm funny when it comes to art. John loves modern art, but I'm like "meh...no thanks" for most of it. Pictures in my house have to mean something to me, or be drop-dead gorgeous.

One of my favorite pictures that I can't wait for us to have in our house I first saw in the new Gospel Principles Manual. It took my breath away.

I'm afraid that much of the Church's art has been...less than appealing to me. Sure, they're great to depict things that happened, but I didn't think they were all that pretty. I'm so happy that now I can order gorgeous pictures from the church's store! Yay! :)

Anyway, the picture is called "Jehovah Creates the Earth" and I love it!

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The artist is Walter Rane. He's done a lot of paintings that the church uses, not all of which I'm in love with. So perhaps I can't really call him my favorite artist. But I don't really have one so I'm just focusing on this, one of my favorite pictures.

Day 12 - Lilacs!

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

Lilacs!!!!

Day 11 - Yuck-onut

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

Coconut

I'm a picky eater, but most things I can choke down, and many things I can at least pretend to or temporarily like. But coconut makes me want to puke like throwing away extra-moldy refrigerator finds or picking up dog throw-up. It's absolutely disgusting and I do not understand how you people stand it.

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I will admit it's pretty(the inside)...but do you really have to add it to everything? People have sadly ruined:

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cakes,

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 cookies,

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candy bars,

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donuts,

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more cookies,

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pineapple, (so much so that I often can't eat fake pineapple flavoring)

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and even lime!

Okay, that one's a joke, but it's a pretty funny one :)

But most of that is fine because there are plenty of things out there that I can enjoy, and you're all happy because there's more disgusting coconut-flavored and -adorned things for you to enjoy without me spoiling the splittings.

The thing that is the absolute worst?

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When I use a public restroom. It's bad enough I have to go when there isn't a clean haven for me, but the fact that I only have one awful option to attempt to cleanse myself from the filth? 
Come On People!

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Sneaking it up on me is not. cool.

Day 10 - Boring Thrills

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

That's easy. Gabs. :)

I've already done my blurb about her, but that was mostly how much I worry.

Gabby is one of the few friends I've kept in touch with who has a lifestyle...very different than mine :) She used to be the sweet doll I'd love her to still be, but you have to let your kids grow up. And grow up Gabby definitely chose to do. In some way or another, anyhow.

That being said, I still have my principles and standards...or mostly just aversions. So there is a huge limit to what I'll let her talk me into. But Gabby is the one I go to when I want to do something out of my ordinary.

Unfortunately, we are very un-inventive. Most of the time we've spent together over the years consisted of watching TV/movies or taking pictures when we were really bored but feeling cute. So my list of "messed-up" things I've done with Gabby is very short, and includes things only as exciting as going to a night club (for my after-bachelorette party) and thronging with the crowd after an American Idol performance. Things she thinks are fun I would rather not do, and things I think are fun are overdone.

Our next adventure will probably be getting a manicure. Shh, don't tell the police!

Day 9 - Mutual-Attraction Bulwark

Day 9 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Hmm, this one is tricky because I'm fairly certain this person thinks I'm a crazy creepy stalker ex-girlfriend who can't get over the past. At least, if he doesn't think so, his current girlfriend loathes the thought of my existence enough to scare him out of acknowledging my said existence. I won't go into why the first supposed belief isn't true, or why I can almost, but really don't at all, understand why the situation is thus. It'll just make me angry at people who have no right nor reason to hate me, but do. :)

In any case, I once had a best friend, who was a guy, with whom there was a mutual attraction, so he became my boyfriend whilst becoming my best friend. I thought he was amazing and I trusted him with everything.

Before he came along I was happy as a bee, but I hadn't quite figured out life. Figuring out life is a life-long quest, but there's usually a point in the growing years of a person that they figure out life enough that they feel like they can continue the quest for figuring out life. That's what happened to me while I was dating Mikey.

I learned what self confidence was. I learned what I wanted to do with my life. I learned that I really can do anything I want to. I learned who my Savior was and that I wanted to include Him in my life. I learned that life is hard. I learned that I can do hard things. I learned that marriage would be absolutely nothing like I could ever expect until I got there. I learned how to be a better friend. I learned what a real friend is. I learned what I still needed to change in myself. I learned that I will never be perfect until long after I die. I learned the feeling of love. I learned the feeling of loss. I learned the feeling of passion for life. I learned how to keep going when that passion seared with pain.

And I'm fairly convinced that I wouldn't have learned half of all that if I hadn't had Mikey. He was my bulwark, my stairs, and my sea of answers.

Until there was a big bomb and we exploded far enough apart that we couldn't ever be friends again, except we were because I knew what I wanted and I wanted my best friend as my best friend, until I realized exactly how much he had been lying and let him finally do the denial of my existence he apparently so desperately needed.

Relationships suck, especially when you let one side overcome the other. But if you can walk away and be a better person from all of it, it was worth it.

Mikey was worth it.