Day 29 - Brother-in-law-in-laws

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

This is my good friend John. Not my hubby John, mind you, but my good friend John. He is also one of my two MOST FAVORITE brother-in-law-in-laws. The other one is talking to that cute brunette in the background. They're twins, and they're some of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I keep switching back and forth between which one is my very favorite brother-in-law-in-law, which is usually whichever one I'm with. But I never tell them that. They're both my favorite brother-in-law-in-law. But I'm both of their favorite sister-in-law-in-law. Because I am that cool. And I'm not a twin.

I love this picture. It was taken at my end-of-summer-after-graduation goodbye party. Which is kind of funny, because I spent a lot of time with those boys the next year. That's what I got for living with a sister who  met the man of her dreams and wanted to come down from USU to visit him every weekend and I had to drive her so that she could manage to survive her classes. But I didn't mind. I love those boys. And since John is the one who's really in the picture, today he is my favorite of the two. Don't you dare tell James that.

We met when we were wee widdle chwildwen. Their second oldest sister was dating my oldest brother (we are both the youngest of ten) in High School and eventually they married. The boys and I didn't get along very well back then. They told me they were better than me because they're 8 months older than me. It's a strong argument. Good thing I eventually won with the female card ;)

Through family gatherings for the sake of mutual nieces and nephews, we got on not-horrible terms. Then we went to High School together. Now we're inseparable. Oh, except for all those things that separate us. Like school. And being busy. And other friends. And different interests. And me getting married. And Shelby. And Mexico. And missions...sigh.

John is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.
He FINALLY sent me a letter after I sent him dozens. (The fact that only one was actually directed to him has no meaning here) And I couldn't stop laughing. You'd have to know him to understand. Or you'd have to read it. I have no idea where it is so tough luck.

Anyhow, this picture makes me quite happy. I love and miss John. And James. They're my favorite.


While I'm at it: this one is also great.

It's an inside story. I don't feel like sharing.

Day 28 - Don't Poke Me!

Day 28 - A picture of something you’re afraid of.

I am petrified of needles. The fact that the above picture (let alone the other pictures that came up in my search) and simply the word "needles' makes me squirm and get a little light headed should be testament enough of that. Ugh. So I will probably never give blood unless absolutely necessary. I've avoided for as long as possible getting shots that have been needed and promptly blocked out any memories of those I couldn't get out of. This last time, over a year ago, I decided that my fear, though common, is irrational and surely just a little *prick* is really not that bad. So I tried to brave it up. It is utterly disgusting how much that prick, the only one I have not successfully blocked out, haunts me...to the point where saying or typing "prick" in that context makes me want to puke. Luckily I am not so bad as some who faint when they get shots...but I've never fainted for anything so maybe that's just a different issue. If you try to talk about shots or needles or giving blood around me for more than a few seconds, I will leave, if possible, or close my eyes and start humming in the attempt to block you out. Don't take my tears and pale face personally, it's just not a reaction I'm good at controlling.

Day 27 - Silly Sisters

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

How about two?

These pictures are about 5 years old.
That summer the three of us had loads of fun and took advantage of being sisters. Then Teresa left to leave us for another sibling -- something about growing up and getting out -- and Celeste left me for a mission. This was the last day we had together and we made the most of it.

Aren't photo shoots so much fun? =D

Day 24 - Sweet Love

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.



It really is the only thing that there's just too little of!

Seriously, how much better would the world be if everyone loved a little more? Or a lot more? Everything would fall into place if everyone loved more. :)

courtesy

Day 23 - Happily Marry After

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.

The second picture is the book that I actually read, but the first one conveys the book a little better. I never did understand the cover before. 

Picking a favorite book is hard for me. I love all books, almost. I love to read, anyhow. I used to devour books. I still do when they're good, but now I try to read more classics so it takes me a bit more to get through them. 

Pipit's Song hit a chord when I read it, so I loved it. I don't even know what chord that would be. My guess could be that I hunger for romance novels that continue on after the wedding. 90+% of chick flicks and romance novels just stop once the couple ends up together. Yeah, that's sweet, but why should we take their happily ever after as granted? 

Working through marriage is the hardest part of love, and the most rewarding. 

I know we shouldn't take media as examples of life, but we all know that we all do at least a little. I have lots of examples of marriages in my life, but I want more. What makes a happy marriage? Tell me how. Tell me why. This book does a little, and I love it.

Day 22 - Just Dance

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Dancing

courtesy

I kind of grew up thinking the girls who danced were bad. Kind of like the people who smoked, or watched R rated movies, or got tattoos. Basically, while growing up I formed my own idea of rules that my parents had for me without them ever actually telling me. Some were tied to being LDS, others not. But most were. 

courtesy

Dancing was one of my imaginary rules. As I grew up more, I realized what things were actual rules, and what weren't. Dancing clearly wasn't. It took me a while to really understand that, but once I started dancing, I knew there was no way it wasn't perfectly wonderful.

courtesy

Sadly, I didn't start dancing until I was a teenager. Ballroom dance first, then a little modern dance. If you want to be amazing at dancing, you have few options:

Start young

Be incredibly talented

or

Be ridiculously dedicated.

Probably all three.

courtesy

Ballroom dancing came easily to me, but I was nowhere near amazing at it.

I loved dancing.

The closest thing to it that I know is piano. I'm not amazing at that either, but when I have a piece that I've spent hours on and I have it memorized and I play it without thinking...I look down at my fingers and I'm amazed. I'm doing that. It's gorgeous, it's wonderful, it's a natural high. I love it.

courtesy

Dancing fascinates me. I love watching competitions.
But at the same time, it makes me want to cry.

I want to be doing that. 

courtesy

I'll continue to pursue it, but it's not realistic for me to spend the time I want to to get as good as I want to. So I'll have to be content watching. Which, for the most part, I am.

Day 21 - Overreacting

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.

I've experienced pain in my life. I wouldn't say a lot, because let's be honest, I've had a freaking amazing life. And I'm not just saying that because there are people in Africa who really know pain, or anything like that. I really haven't had a bad life.
But, I have experienced pain. I've experienced searing, unbearable pain, too.
But I don't wish I could forget it.

I love trials.
I probably shouldn't say that too loudly, because as much as I love them, I am quite happy -- literally -- without them, so I don't necessarily want more.
But I feel like I've grasped the concept of why we're here. Life is all about learning, and we cannot learn without adversity.
So, to keep it short, I cherish my trials. (usually after they're over)

So, if I don't want to forget my trials, what do I want to forget?
Not much.

But there are a few things I think can qualify.

I don't consider them trials.
I consider them stupidity.

stupidity as a lifelong thing to overcome is a trial. momentary stupidity is just plain stupidity.

You have those moments you look back on, and you say, "What the heck was I thinking?"

And then you realize, oh yeah.

You weren't.

I have lots of those. Not as many as I'd expect. And I don't know if I really regret them. But some are fresh enough and painful enough that right now, yeah, I wish I could forget about it...at least until I can laugh about it. :)

The one that has been glaring at me lately is still fresh at 2 years old. 

Remember the "bulwark" guy? 

Well, he left on a mission. I went to his farewell.

Remember that girlfriend? Remember I'm fairly certain she despises my existence?

Well, she was there. No surprise. I wouldn't have minded, wouldn't have cared if she'd

stop

those

looks

I mean, seriously, what did I do to her? She is the one who stole him from me, and the only problem I have with her is that she hates me. Not even that, it's that she takes her hatred OUT on me. Leave me out of your own dang problems, lady!

           apologies for the high-school drama. it's a high school memory.

Ugh. Anyway, so I was a little unnerved at the party after. It was a super awkward day for me, I was flustered, I was dating John and needed him there but he hadn't understood that enough to be there, she was freezing the air, he was completely ignoring me, his family was ignoring the fact that we dated -- just the way they preferred it. I really wanted just to leave, but I couldn't do that. He was still my best friend despite his best efforts, and I wasn't going to see him again for 2 years...or ever. 

Needless to say, I wasn't at my best. 

The friends there played a game. I think it was Phase 10. Wouldn't you know, it came down to her and me. 

Where does life get these ideas?

What does he do? He helps her.

She wins.

Should I have reacted? Of course not.

...

Did I?

courtesy

You have to understand, I almost never lose my temper. Especially in public. 

Sure, I was in a high-stress atmosphere and she

                                                  pissed me off.

But, c'mon. 

The worst part? Why I wish I could forget it?

Everyone knew he and I had dated. Not everyone knew how much she hated me, and how much I hated the fact that she hated me and the way she hated me. So it probably just looked like a jealous ex-girlfriend overreacting. It had nothing to do with that. 

The very worst part? I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knew why I overreacted.

I hate that.

Day 20 - Cliche Tourist

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you’d love to travel.

Duh. The same place everyone wants to go.

courtesy

courtesy

courtesy

courtesy

 The funny thing is, I've seen streets so similar to these in Mexico. Maybe a tad more run-down and a little less happy, but cross your eyes and they're exactly the same. In any case, you feel like you're walking through a romantic blast from the past. The cobblestone streets, the towny crowding of the buildings, the homey feel in the middle of a great big really old city.

courtesy

So maybe the idea of traveling Europe makes me a silly run-of-the-mill romantic.

courtesy

Or somehow like every other tourist out there. 

courtesy

But I don't care. I still would love to go!

Day 19 - Little Me

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

Oh I was so stinkin' cute :P

Day 18 - Crazy for feelin'

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Ooh, I have too many of those.

One of the things I fear most is being alone.
I think I've mentioned that once or twice before. :)

courtesy

courtesy

courtesy

Day 17 - Beautifully, Better

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.


I don't know if I'd call it huge. At least not on my life. But it made an impact on my feelings the other day.
And, ya know, sometimes it's those little things that really do make the biggest difference.

I was here

I was feeling lonely, a little bored, and rather adventurous. So I went for a drive. One thing I love about where we live is that I'm 5 minutes from Wal-mart, but the main road to our neighborhood is a Highway. But even more than that. The main road to my parent's house was Bangerter, but when I drove on that I didn't feel like I was out for a drive, I felt like I was going somewhere. Nowhere awesome, just somewhere to be.

On Cedar Fort Road, or just Hwy 73, it was beautiful.

Beautiful to have miles of road, and no one around.

Beautiful to feel the wind whipping through open windows.

Beautiful to hear nothing but silence.

Beautiful to taste the playful evening warmth.

Beautiful to smell an inviting summer. 

Beautiful to see the gorgeous meadows, hills, and skies. 

Beautiful.

And no, that isn't a poem. Mine or otherwise.

In any case, all that beauty made me feel better. 

I may or may not have shed a few dozen tears while in Walmart just before.

Silly me. 

Silly walmart, nowhere to hide.

But, again, in any case, I love life.

Utah is gorgeous, my life is gorgeous.

And I want to be a better friend.

                            a better aunt

                             a better sister

                              a better daughter

                               a better wife.

And that takes practice, and a lot of selflessness.

I'm not so good at the whole selflessness thing. It makes me nervous. How am I supposed to react when people praise me? 

Haha...I'm clearly not so good at humility either. 

Well, wait and see if I blow you all away

by the time I'm 80.

;)

Day 16 - Still Awesome After the Honeymoon

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

My brother Jarom is amazing, and his wife Michele makes him more amazing because she is amazing, and together they're just plain awesome. Like, awe-some. And awesome!

I've had a lot of examples of marriages in my life. Most of them are great, both as examples to learn from and as successful marriages in themselves. I don't like to pick favorites when it comes to family (the source of most marriage examples in my life) because I want to be sure everyone knows I love them...but Jarom and Michele really stand out and they deserve some recognition.

I've always thought they made a fantastic couple, and maybe the fact that they live far enough away that I don't get to see their faults plays a big part in my perception of them, but I think they're an ideal example of a wonderful marriage, family, and life.

Jarom is the well-behaved class clown, and Michele is creative and classy. They're both blessed with the happy, positive, loving personality that everyone loves to be around. They're always laughing, always adventurous, always making everyone around them feel loved and welcome.

Their five children are perfect, even if they aren't always perfectly well-behaved. I think it gives them character. The important thing is that they will grow up to be amazing people. Jarom and Michele have taught them well and taught them right, and most importantly they have loved them completely and unconditionally. So as their kids learn and grow and make the mistakes that are essential to the previous two, they will have the values and structure that their fantastic parents have provided them to fall back and lead them on.

As great as everything else they do is, the thing that inspires me most is the way they treat each other, even after nearly a decade of marriage.

The fact that they love each other is screamingly obvious. They are still as affectionate as I remember them being when I first met Michele. They're not afraid to stop, drop, and smooch, even when other people are in the room. Far from disgusting, it makes me thrillingly happy.

When John and I got to spend Christmas with them at their home in California, I loved watching the way they acted and interacted. Not a word nor whiff of criticism and negativity ever passed between them as far as I could tell. Support and strengthening is the attitude that keeps them going.

Jarom and Michele's marriage I'm sure isn't perfect and has plenty of room to grow...but whatever faults make that true are far from where I can see them. Not only does it make me happy to see my brother so happy, it encourages me that a happy marriage like the one I envision IS possible, even after the so-called honeymoon stage is long forgotten.

Day 15 - Bucket Full of...Bucket?

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

I want to travel! There are places I really want to visit. However, I've already got a post to come talking all about my traveling dreams, so I have to think about something else I want to do before I die.

I have been thinking about a Bucket List for the past few months.

I found my wonderful birthday buddy a few years ago, and we're turning 21 in just a few weeks! However, since we have morals and standards that prevent us from doing normal things girls do for their 21st...I thought maybe we could do something more epic, like 21 things we've never done before, and the like.

Unfortunately, we probably won't be doing any of that since she got married and moved off to another state. Ah well. I'll throw a mock party hard 21st girls night for myself.

In any case, I started a list of things we could do that would be fun, within our standards (after all, we never have had alcohol, gambled, etc.), and within budget. Sadly, none of them were epic enough that I'm aching to do them before I die.

I used to have a short list of things I wanted to do...like kiss (or at least date) guys from at least 10 different ethnicities. I got to about 4. I also wanted to go on at least one date with all of my good guyfriends from High School. There were a lot of things I wanted to do before I got married...but then I got married. I'm not too distraught; John is totally worth more than my silly lists.

I have lots of goals, like reading every book on the "Classics" list from AP Lit, or reading every General Conference talk since I was born, or visit every LDS temple in Utah, or have special annual parties that everyone wants to go to, or take all of my nieces and nephews on a date for their 12th birthday. But they're not really Bucket List things...they're goals.

I guess I am really, really lost. I don't really crave skydiving or bungee jumping. All the wonders of the world would be expensive. There are so many things that would be awesome to do, but I don't care if I do them or not.

So, I guess what I really need to do is this:

I want to create a Bucket List before I die.

Add caption

And, of course, cross everything off. 

Day 14 - Jenny Ann

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

My niece Jennifer

I love my nieces and nephews more than almost anything in the world. When I feel most lonely and in need of love my mind automatically goes to those kids and how much they mean to me, and most especially how they love me unconditionally. I have spent the most time with my oldest sister Marcela's kids since I became an aunt, and so her oldest, Jenny, is usually foremost in my mind. It helps that Jenny is always wanting to spend time with me and her parents are always perfectly willing to let her, so I still get to spend a lot of time with her. That girl loves me and I love her and she personifies what I love about my nieces and nephews. She was born when I was 8 so most of my life, especially the stuff I remember, she's been around for, even if she was little. If I lost any of my nieces or nephews I'd be devastated. If I lost any of the ones I grew up knowing it would be especially hard. Jenny is one of the more prominent of those. I didn't think there was anyone that really fit this category until I thought of losing Jenny, and I really can't imagine my life without her.

Day 13 - Rane's Clouds

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

I already did this here.

But I won't be spoiled into repeating everything just because these post lists are repetitive. It says artist. That doesn't have to be musical, right? Right :)

I'm funny when it comes to art. John loves modern art, but I'm like "meh...no thanks" for most of it. Pictures in my house have to mean something to me, or be drop-dead gorgeous.

One of my favorite pictures that I can't wait for us to have in our house I first saw in the new Gospel Principles Manual. It took my breath away.

I'm afraid that much of the Church's art has been...less than appealing to me. Sure, they're great to depict things that happened, but I didn't think they were all that pretty. I'm so happy that now I can order gorgeous pictures from the church's store! Yay! :)

Anyway, the picture is called "Jehovah Creates the Earth" and I love it!

courtesy

The artist is Walter Rane. He's done a lot of paintings that the church uses, not all of which I'm in love with. So perhaps I can't really call him my favorite artist. But I don't really have one so I'm just focusing on this, one of my favorite pictures.

Day 12 - Lilacs!

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

Lilacs!!!!