My Setu Heart

This is my good friend Setu.
Though I haven't seen him in who knows how long, tonight I owe him.

As I was thinking, trying to figure out why I can't make friends like I used to, my mind started wandering. Somehow I ended up thinking about a girl I know and how she gushed about hugging Avi from Pentatonix and he laughed or said something and it vibrated through her. It reminded me of Setu.

Setu has one of the most wonderful voices on earth. He's a rumbly, heart-breaking bass whose falsettos rival mine. No, his falsettos totally bite mine in the butt.
His personality is much the same. He's this huge intimidating Polynesian who is really just a sweet tender teddy bear.

I love Setu with all my heart.

I thought about that. Truth be told, I know hardly anything about Setu. And yet I do absolutely adore him and wouldn't hesitate to tell that to anyone.
This is true about many of those I consider my good friends. Or it used to be true.
Really, though I would say that it's true, I haven't thought about many people that way in a while, with love gushing out and me just being thrilled to know and be around them.
I realized: I've forgotten how to love people.

Somehow in the past couple years I've gotten tentative and critical -- of others, but even more so myself. And so, I've forgotten how to love. I've forgotten that it doesn't matter if I know them well and we have deep conversations or if they have faults or if they see my faults or if we don't perfectly match as kindred spirits. It doesn't matter. I can still find the tiniest things to absolutely adore about a person and add them all up until I grow a new heart just for them and I love them with all of it.

Once upon a time I had someone tell me that because I loved so many people, I couldn't love any of them very much because everyone has a limited amount of love to spread around. This frustrated me to no end. That's exactly the opposite of how love works! Christ, the ultimate example of love, loves more people than any of us will ever know, and He loves every one of us more than we can fathom. I believe we can love like Him, to a degree.

That's why I need to start growing hearts again. Lately I've been trying to cut up my heart so that I can give pieces to everyone I want to love. I can't love anyone enough that way. I need to take everything about them and grow a new heart of mine just for each person I want to love.

Then, it doesn't matter whether they or I have faults or whether we're perfectly lined up to be friends. I'll just love them with all my heart, and everything else will work out.

Banning Baby Bandwagon

I'm pretty sure at least 15 people I know have announced in the past week that they(/their significant other) are pregnant, or have announced what the gender of their coming baby is, or have actually had the baby. Add another week or two before that and the numbers increase. I'm pretty sure at least a 1/3 of my facebook friends(/their significant others) are either pregnant or just had a baby.

I can't post this on facebook because then my family will jump on it and assume I am pregnant and I'm not in the mood to combat all that. (And yes, that means I am not pregnant)

The point is, why on earth did everyone have to make it a bandwagon? I hate bandwagons.
Okay, not really, I just hate it when something I want to do becomes a bandwagon. Because I hate jumping on bandwagons. It takes all the fun out of it. Not that I have to be original -- I just don't want to be just like everyone else.

Except really...having a baby is no fad. I know I'm being silly. Anyone who falls into the category determined in the first paragraph would tell me that the third paragraph has nothing to do with them. And it doesn't, really. No one intended to all get together and have babies this year. (At least I hope not.)

But if John and I decide to never have children, I'm still blaming it on the sudden abnormal increase of baby-ness in my acquaintances lately.

Breather for Thoughts

So...school has completely overwhelmed me. I don't even know where to start to explain that. So I won't.

However, school has also given me tons of things to think about. At least an average of once a day I come up with some completely brilliant idea that I really want to share with the world through this, my creative outlet/aka blog. But whenever I'm near the computer and remember these things, I have to think about all the homework I'm behind on, or soon to be behind on. So I can't blog. Instead, I procrastinate.

How does that make sense? It shouldn't, but it does to me. Because blogging takes at least a half hour, usually more like 3 or 4 hours, though occasionally 2 or 3 minutes. Surfing the net, video games, and other simple, non-committal time wasters take "10 or 15 minutes" and are therefore justifiable temporary stress releases. Hahaha...so we won't talk about how those "10 or 15 minutes" are the real reason I'm overwhelmed with school.

Anyhow, I just wanted to get on here and mention a few thoughts that have come lately. Hopefully someday I can find the time, energy, and lack of complete laziness to elaborate. But for now I want to at least get my thoughts out.

1) I love love love my husband. I never tell anyone that enough. I think he's the most wonderful man on the planet and I feel overwhelmingly blessed to have married him. He's given me everything a girl could want and we have a relationship that is better than even I imagined marriage would be.

2) Despite my many shortcomings, I love being me. I am of great worth and I do have a lot to offer this world and especially those around me. I may not be talented or committed or driven the same way others are, but I am very valuable. The way I wish to live my life is not something to be looked down on.

3) I am a dang good friend. I may not have always thought that, and I definitely didn't think that others agreed with that, but I'm realizing that it is true. I know I can be awkward to meet sometimes and I'm not smooth at starting friendships, but once you mean something to me you're part of my life forever, and I'm not going to let that slide. I make the effort to spend time with people, or at the very least keep up with their lives. Not everyone can keep track of everyone, but I manage it, and that's something to be happy about.

4) I have a fairy tale life. Get married, go off and do awesome things, still have a social life, hubs gets a great and very secure job, buy an enormous house, become a cute housewife, be prepared (enough) for children when the time comes...I am ridiculously blessed.

5) I'm still a talented writer and a critical thinker. Don't judge my blog too harshly; this is me being very casual. I'm intelligent and I'm good at expressing my many opinions in the right context. I love feeling accomplished when I've written a good paper or when I'm learning a lot in a class.

6) I love my religion. It simply cannot not be true. I love how complex and yet incredibly simple it is, all at once. I love how much I can learn and understand and grow in the gospel; yet the most growth comes from the simple things I've been taught to do since I was old enough to talk.

7) This won't make any sense, but:
I love how I handle stress. I simply don't. Stress doesn't allow me to work; it forces me to crumble and be incapable of handling anything related to the cause of stress. So I don't stress. I find ways around stressing. I start to stress and I have to force myself to take a breather. There's no way stress is the answer, so I don't allow myself to deal with it. The things that I love never cause me real stress. Not only that, but when I do stress and then take a breather so I can function, life is so much more beautiful. I can thoroughly revel in the things that bring me joy.

Um...that's it for now. :)

The Sing-Off

Woot!

BYU's Vocal Point competing in 'The Sing Off' show

The most awesome, coolest beat boxer ever and BYU's Vocal Point's percussionist

is totally John's best friend

(besides me)

that dude

And we get to watch him in this show at his house next Monday for the 3rd Season Premiere! 

(we're watching it at his house. the show isn't at his house)

I love this.

I started school last week. I was apprehensive, worried, nervous, scared, and bracing myself for drudgery.
I was also dead excited to have a life.

I could bore you with the details, but right now I want to focus on the things that are making emotions pulse through me.

I love that the classes at SLCC are small and personable.
I love half of my teachers, and I like the other half.
I love that I can raise my hand and participate.
I love that I feel like for once in my school career I will be actually learning something.
I love that most of me is committed to my classes instead of the normal "whatevs" approach.
I love that I am honestly excited about every single subject.
I love that I feel motivated.
I love that I actually understand the organization of each of my classes.
I love that I am here because I want to be, and no other reason.
I love that the government is paying me to go to school.
I love that I can get up every day.
I love that I come home and still have energy even though I'm physically exhausted and hungry.
I love that my Sarah Lynn will be in my Institute class. We haven't had a real class to be together in for years.
I love that I saw my wonderful good friend Stephen today.
I love that I got to share with Stephen in Institute, and that talking about religion didn't leave us both frustrated.
I love that I know people.
I love that I feel confident enough that my outgoing side is bursting out.
I love my Religious Diversities class. I don't know how it could be more perfect.
I love that I know I will stay on top of assignments.
I love that I'm actually excited to do my assignments.
I love that I already have a topic for all of my English papers.
I love that I get to write about something I'm passionate about, while learning more about it.
I love that I'm busy out of my mind.
I love that I'm burning a million calories and working out my leg muscles like crazy in Zumba.
I love that I'm excited to read my textbooks...perhaps cover to cover.
I love love love that I became friends with Aura Kenney today.
I love that Aura and I talked for at least an hour and a half straight and it was thoroughly enjoyable, and slightly addicting.
I love a million other things.
I love that each of the above were things I thought about, and got happy because of, before I wrote this.

Life freaking rocks.

HPMM Cleanup

So yesterday finalized the Harry Potter Movie Marathon. It was a blast! Only one friend came, though, silly busy people. But I did have lots of family come. Because my family is awesome like that. And we like Harry Potter. Perhaps a little too much. Hey, when they get more excited to come for Harry Potter than to play games or simply to talk with family, there has got to be something wrong. Or I just plan things the wrong dates. Always the wrong date.

Anyhow, on our blog I will tell you all about the marathon, because it was an event and it included John. That's the criteria for the other blog. This blog is dedicated to rants, and other such things.
I said I liked details. I know what posts go to which of my blogs. How can I have two blogs if I don't determine what goes where?

But don't go rushing there yet. I haven't written about the HPMM yet. I don't have time yet.
I have dedicated today as cleanup day. Luckily for me we did a little pickup here and there throughout the weekend so it's not a complete tornado.

Sarah rinsed some dishes after lots of food was made and before the movies were started Friday. That was nice. They've been hidden in the dishwasher so I could forget about them. I don't use my dishwasher because the top rack washing part is broken and we don't have a water softener so all my dishes come out looking filthy anyway. And I enjoy washing dishes by hand :)

Joy, Hillary, John, and I did basic pickup yesterday.

I took out the garbage all weekend. We went through FOUR garbage bags in three days. FOUR! John and I fill up half of one in a week. Oh, and then the recycling was spilling all over my pantry floor when I finally took it out. Luckily there was a door to smash it all behind so I could wait that long :)

I condensed the kitchen Sunday before church. It was a disaster, but I didn't have time to do dishes. But it made me feel much much better when I had them stacked neatly in the sink corner. Not in the sink, mind you, because that's a no-no.

I don't believe I have any useful dishes left in my drawers and cupboards. Utensils are down to a couple serving and plastic ones (which is funny to me). Even though we used plastic plates more than half of my flatware is gone. Not a single mixing/serving bowl, cutting board, knife, pitcher, or bite-sized bowl is clean. Many were used over and over.

Bowl is a funny word. Bowl bowl bowl bowel bow wow
hehe

Yesterday was Christmas in July, right? Well it sure feels like the holidays. I thought I had a complete kitchen with more things than I could ever use at one time. I think I better stock up a little more before the real holidays come :)

We even used up all ten of my parings knives!

The best was when we tore down the window covers yesterday. I kind of liked the adventure of putting all the poster boards and blankets up. John was going crazy living in a cave. When we took it all down it was amazing. We do have a gorgeous house! And there is so much light! It was kind of strange, actually. :)

It makes me even more anxious to paint, though. Ugh I cannot deal with all this orange. It's awful.
But that's a post for another day.

I think I've ranted on about the cleanup I get to do today. I'm excited. It's going to be fun :)

Day 29 - Brother-in-law-in-laws

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.

This is my good friend John. Not my hubby John, mind you, but my good friend John. He is also one of my two MOST FAVORITE brother-in-law-in-laws. The other one is talking to that cute brunette in the background. They're twins, and they're some of my favorite people in the whole wide world. I keep switching back and forth between which one is my very favorite brother-in-law-in-law, which is usually whichever one I'm with. But I never tell them that. They're both my favorite brother-in-law-in-law. But I'm both of their favorite sister-in-law-in-law. Because I am that cool. And I'm not a twin.

I love this picture. It was taken at my end-of-summer-after-graduation goodbye party. Which is kind of funny, because I spent a lot of time with those boys the next year. That's what I got for living with a sister who  met the man of her dreams and wanted to come down from USU to visit him every weekend and I had to drive her so that she could manage to survive her classes. But I didn't mind. I love those boys. And since John is the one who's really in the picture, today he is my favorite of the two. Don't you dare tell James that.

We met when we were wee widdle chwildwen. Their second oldest sister was dating my oldest brother (we are both the youngest of ten) in High School and eventually they married. The boys and I didn't get along very well back then. They told me they were better than me because they're 8 months older than me. It's a strong argument. Good thing I eventually won with the female card ;)

Through family gatherings for the sake of mutual nieces and nephews, we got on not-horrible terms. Then we went to High School together. Now we're inseparable. Oh, except for all those things that separate us. Like school. And being busy. And other friends. And different interests. And me getting married. And Shelby. And Mexico. And missions...sigh.

John is h.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.
He FINALLY sent me a letter after I sent him dozens. (The fact that only one was actually directed to him has no meaning here) And I couldn't stop laughing. You'd have to know him to understand. Or you'd have to read it. I have no idea where it is so tough luck.

Anyhow, this picture makes me quite happy. I love and miss John. And James. They're my favorite.


While I'm at it: this one is also great.

It's an inside story. I don't feel like sharing.

Day 5 - Young Fun Friendship

Day 5 - A picture of your favorite memory.

Alright, so this may end up stuck away in the right date, but if anyone's paying attention -- or actually reads this far back -- I'm only just getting caught up. I have the hardest time picking these things. Really, the ability to post back-dated is probably a bad thing because I never get around to the ones that were hard. Oh well. I'm getting to them now! :)

As I think I've mentioned before, I've always wanted friends that I can have forever, with a deep relationship that I know I can rely on. Also as I think I've mentioned before, I often feel like I haven't been able to keep a friendship like that. Oh well.

Along with that, I've been nostalgic lately. So I finally have a memory strand that may or may not be my favorite, but is at least worth blogging about.

I miss having a best friend. Not John, mind you, because a husband best friend is definitely different than another best friend. More specifically, I miss my best friend Holly.

From Jr. High to mid-High School, we were inseparable. I thrived on that friendship. I wasn't as good of a friend as I could have been sometimes, but I loved having someone who I knew I could rely on for talking, time, fun, whatever.

I have a lot of memories with Holly. Some of my favorite are just when we hung out after school. Or when we walked home from school. Or when we supported each other: going to all of her performances was fun.

I love to spoil people, and I took full advantage of that with Holly. I always tried to make sure her birthday was a blast.

I think this was her 14th:

I bought that frog a month in advance. Her favorite animal was frogs so I got it when I saw it on sale after Valentine's Day. She called herself Halollypop sometimes, so I got her lollipops, and I made a ton of paper ones. Then I plotted with her mother so I could get in her room while she was gone. I had so much fun doing that, and I'm pretty sure she enjoyed it too. (I wasn't there when she came home)

We had fun with other activities together, like the Social/Ballroom Dance Team

We stuck together when going from Jr. High to High school together

And I got to go on a lot of dates in High School so that she could go on dates with her boyfriends

(that boy is now her hubby)

We had fun, and we had good times. We drifted apart, I'm still not sure exactly how.

I've missed her like mad ever since, but I always feel stupid, immature, and awkward whenever I try to mend whatever broke us. I suppose I should just get over it and move on.

At least I'll have memories.