I've experienced pain in my life. I wouldn't say a lot, because let's be honest, I've had a freaking amazing life. And I'm not just saying that because there are people in Africa who really know pain, or anything like that. I really haven't had a bad life.
But, I have experienced pain. I've experienced searing, unbearable pain, too.
But I don't wish I could forget it.
I love trials.
I probably shouldn't say that too loudly, because as much as I love them, I am quite happy -- literally -- without them, so I don't necessarily want more.
But I feel like I've grasped the concept of why we're here. Life is all about learning, and we cannot learn without adversity.
So, to keep it short, I cherish my trials. (usually after they're over)
So, if I don't want to forget my trials, what do I want to forget?
Not much.
But there are a few things I think can qualify.
I don't consider them trials.
I consider them stupidity.
stupidity as a lifelong thing to overcome is a trial. momentary stupidity is just plain stupidity.
You have those moments you look back on, and you say, "What the heck was I thinking?"
And then you realize, oh yeah.
You weren't.
I have lots of those. Not as many as I'd expect. And I don't know if I really regret them. But some are fresh enough and painful enough that right now, yeah, I wish I could forget about it...at least until I can laugh about it. :)
The one that has been glaring at me lately is still fresh at 2 years old.
Remember the "bulwark" guy?
Well, he left on a mission. I went to his farewell.
Remember that girlfriend? Remember I'm fairly certain she despises my existence?
Well, she was there. No surprise. I wouldn't have minded, wouldn't have cared if she'd
stop
those
looks
I mean, seriously, what did I do to her? She is the one who stole him from me, and the only problem I have with her is that she hates me. Not even that, it's that she takes her hatred OUT on me. Leave me out of your own dang problems, lady!
apologies for the high-school drama. it's a high school memory.
Ugh. Anyway, so I was a little unnerved at the party after. It was a super awkward day for me, I was flustered, I was dating John and needed him there but he hadn't understood that enough to be there, she was freezing the air, he was completely ignoring me, his family was ignoring the fact that we dated -- just the way they preferred it. I really wanted just to leave, but I couldn't do that. He was still my best friend despite his best efforts, and I wasn't going to see him again for 2 years...or ever.
Needless to say, I wasn't at my best.
The friends there played a game. I think it was Phase 10. Wouldn't you know, it came down to her and me.
Where does life get these ideas?
What does he do? He helps her.
She wins.
Should I have reacted? Of course not.
...
Did I?
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| courtesy |
You have to understand, I almost never lose my temper. Especially in public.
Sure, I was in a high-stress atmosphere and she
pissed me off.
But, c'mon.
The worst part? Why I wish I could forget it?
Everyone knew he and I had dated. Not everyone knew how much she hated me, and how much I hated the fact that she hated me and the way she hated me. So it probably just looked like a jealous ex-girlfriend overreacting. It had nothing to do with that.
The very worst part? I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knew why I overreacted.
I hate that.
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